Not another drama

I am hurt at this moment because of the same old story – loving someone more than I should. I am really want to be with him, I will drive across town just to see him but he doesn’t really care about me, I waited all day for him to call or show up in my house(in my dream) but he called me late saying he was asleep. I told him I will call him back and just like the same old story, I called him back zillion times but he didn’t answer, and the worst part is I know he is online, maybe chatting with someone. I am tired and I don’t want to dwell in this issue anymore, I am getting sick of myself getting hurt and crying over the same damn thing yet I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. I don’t know am I really that stupid to let thing carry on for years; what on earth am doing with my life. I keep thinking I am fighting for true love, is it true love or pure stupidity. My goodness Glenda, wake up! I pray to God to guide me, please help me what to do. Please no more “dramatic-hurtful-scenarios”. Lord, if his heart won’t change then why you allowed me to be in this situation? I have been good, as in really good especially being there for him when he needs someone no matter how hard it was in my part and yet Lord he keeps hurting me. Please tell me where is this whole thing leading to because I am lost and scared that I am doing it all wrong. Please help me not to get hurt anymore, let my heart get some rest.

Maybe a grown up thoughts

I heart was always pure but from time to time mind fonder about evil thoughts especially. I used to sometimes think of retaliation when I get hurt by him but now I don’t think of such anymore. Maybe I have grown up now compare to who I was few years ago, I now think that him losing me is the biggest retaliation on itself, unintentional revenge if there is such hehehe.
I look at like much brighter now, seems like my heart is more open and my mind keeps in sane. I learn to integrate myself to the world and enjoy being part of it.

At last...

At last I found the link to my old blog.
I just laugh looking back at what I wrote years ago.... hmmm memories...

The Dragon & The Dog, The Aquarius & The Aries

February 26, 2006

It has been written that Dragon and Dog are not compatible; as a matter of fact they are each other’s mortal enemies. And so are Aquarius and Aries. So does this mean there is nothing to work on or they have to work twice as hard to make a Dragon-Dog relationship work?

The story begins with… once upon a time Dog and Dragon had a relationship… a relationship that others cannot comprehend with…friends and more. So Dog and Dragon became friends, dated, had a relationship, relationship turns out to be wishy-washy one, and tried to make it work again. One day Dog asked Dragon out spontaneously but that was a vain. Reason for being such? Year of birth and zodiac sign. Oh did I not say these two are dating? Indeed they are.

They had a conversation about how their year of birth and their zodiac signs does not match. When the Dog pointed out that it is like looking at the glass half full or half empty, the dragon emphasized that there is no water in the glass so how can you say it is half empty or half full? Does that mean there is no existing relationship to work on or that’s a misinterpretation on Dog’s part? ‘Coz if there is a relationship then that’s looking at the glass half full: you know there is zero compatibility so you have to work twice as hard, right? Oh wait, not to forget the dragon’s comment of “you like challenge but I don’t” well does that mean only the Dog has to work to make the relationship work? Isn’t that’s asking for a one sided relationship? Or a much better question would be ”what’s that suppose to mean?” - Speaking of analytical, duh!

So if year of birth and zodiac signs determines if a relationship would work or not then should we make sure everyone carries a copy of all the list of Chinese years and zodiac signs all the time to be certain their time and effort will not be invested with someone who is not on their compatibility list?

I will do the things I want to do now ‘coz few years from now I don’t want any regrets nor disappointments. I want to relax in my wooden chair and think about the things I did instead of the things I did not do. I want to think and talk about my younger days’ adventure, the path I took to take me where I am and I want to talk about it with contentment.

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I can only hope that each of you finds the same happiness and contentment that these last few days have brought me and that if you do, that you will hold those moments in your heart forever.

Positive Insight

Someone said that the day one stops dreaming that is the day that person dies. We have to continue dreaming and working towards those dreams and definitely they will come to pass. No matter what happen we should remain focused and true to our dreams and aspirations. We can only be what we have thought or imagined, and that’s why they say, “you are what you think”. For sure we cannot go beyond our thinking and imaginations. Things may not be the way I want them to be today but I have hope that tomorrow they will be better. The way we look at life matters; do we a glass as half empty or half full? Do we look at life from the positive or view point? Do we think or talk about life positively or negatively? The side of the coin on which one is matters a lot. Definitely we have to strive to be on the positive side and not the negative. We should train our mind to think and talk about the things we want and not the things we don’t want and by that we attract the positive things we talk and think about. If we talk and think about negative things, we attract the same in our lives. The bible says that whatever things are true, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report…. think about such.

You & I Living in Different World

It is possible for two people coming from different world to merge and live a life together? Well I would like to believe so, though at some people would insist it would be a nightmare living in such. Is it really? It could be challenging yet it is not impossible as long as two people wish to be together.

When you have many encounters with someone where he/she unintentionally talks about how he/she belongs to the elite world, the world of intelligent, dreamer, sophisticated, beau monde, rich and well-desired by their kinsmen, people beyond reach, and keep saying he/she wants to be with this and that person it makes you wonder if that person is thinking of you. It makes you wonder if he/she thinks about how insensitive that is knowing you two had more than friendship, knowing you feel deeply for him/her. Is that a implication of him/her not wanting you in his/her future world? Or that just you being extremely sensetive on someone's part?

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I consider myself versatile yet who knows it is probably just me hallucinating ‘coz I want to believe there will be us.

I Will Miss Him Badly...

The thought of him moving away makes me feel so sad... I think I will miss him more this time than before....... I had fallen deeper than before, I didn't know it is even possible to love somebody this much... I feel like we both have grown maturely (not that we weren't but i think we are more committed in giving "us" a chance). I believe we are finally in the same page now - wanting to make this work. He might think I don't appreciate the thing he had done and the things he had sacrifice for me but the truth is I do. The "us" is so fragile and lots of uncertainty is involve. There are lots of questions are running in my mind: would we be able to hang on there for a while? would we make this work out after he moves away? am I included in his plan or that's it for the two of us after he moves? I picture myself moving with him in the future but i am not sure if my presence is wanted.... I can see us being together & the uncerstainty of the matter is killing me... I picture us in so many diffirent ways and I prefer the "the two of us together".... This fragile relationship of us need nourishment and committment...... As clinche as it may be but I think time will tell when we are heading from here.
I Will Miss Him Badly, I love him ever more..........Others would say it is being Masokista but I think not....... at least not anymore...

My Self-Aggravation

Have you ever had that time where you just want to cry ‘coz nothing you do seem to make any difference towards achieving the bar you had set up for yourself? Isn’t so frustrating knowing that you can do better but for some reason you are not performing to your potential? Well I have that kind of day today. I just want to break down and cry due to frustration. I am deeply disappointment to myself for not being able to do anything right. Well at least it feels like it. I feel like nothing I did and will do will improve my life. I had visions in my head that at this certain day I would have achieved this and that… and we are not talking about extravagant things here, we are talking about simple minor things that a act of self-discipline alone could do.
I am really frustrated………exhausted for nothing and frustrated to everything.
Did I set the bar too high or I just don’t have the discipline to achieve it or it is really meant for things to work this way? I feel like I have been working hard and yet nothing is improving. Wahhh……..I am just having a bad day… thank goodness it is almost over.

Weekend fusion

Looks like change is inevitable especially this year. I am happy yet there is that part of me that's scared...hmmm not scared scared maybe just a little petrified... I guess we all feel that way everyting we are bound to face lots of changes in our lives.

Here are the fusion of events that happened to me this weekend... well the one I choose to blog about hehehe-;)

My laptop was broken, wrecked, kaput, defunct, finished, and all the other terms you can think of to describe a disfunctional object. I will not be able to recover any of my files. I feel sad because that was my first laptop and I have zellion things stored to it (not to mention my younger sister's downloaded songs) but I guess it's time to give it a rest. The good thing about having something broken is you can either fix it or replace it with a new one. Now I have an excuse to purchase a new computer, not that I ever needed an excuse if I really want new one but hey it works, right? Always look at the bright side - smile:)

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We received a notice that the city of Calgary is considering to turn the place we consider"home" for the last few years into some sort of public services(????) makes me sad. Our "home" holds a lot of trasured moments mostly memories with my sisters and I bonding, it really is a home to us. It is the city of Calgary so there is a pretty good chance they will get the deal and go on with the project by the end of this year.

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My sister picked up the last box for my parent's package. Five more weeks and they will be on their way to Philippines. I feel a combination of happiness & sadness, it is hard to explain.

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Part of the long e-mail I send to cousin Marj that somehow describe my current state of mind or life for that matter: conversation - love life, family life especially the "committment issue" & responsibilities, work, and extras including chikas....

"My love life is wishy-washy at the moment; it isn’t permanent or final (or clear for that matter). I am currently maturing at this field of life and I have a long road ahead of me. Yup you are right, may pagka playful ako but hey not playful to the point of… hehehe you know what I mean. Kidding aside I am still a one-man woman and still is inlove with this special someone but we haven’t figured out how we are going to carry things forward. We both have lots of thigns on the go and it seem very complicated to make a relationship work at the same time… to much uncertainty. Looking at it in a bright side: we are both scared to hurt each other so no one seem to want to take this to the next level. I think we both treasure what we have and we don’t want to spoil it.
I have faith and still believe in the concept of “DA-ONE-MADE-JUST-FOR-YOU” a.k.a. GPC. Deep down I am hopeless romantic though I understand life is not in a fairy tale where everything falls into places. Fairy tale is subjective, what’s heavenly situation to one might not be to others. I stumbled many time and I am glad I did ‘coz otherwise my point of view about things in life will not be the same… and I am sure you can say the same thing, right? Alam mo with how thing are going on with my life right now I predict that my future will be complicated.....hahaha nanghula pa ano? but u think I will let that stop me from living a life right now? naah..... Faith is when we blindly travel certain path not knowing where it’s heading or what would be on that path for us and we hope and believe in the Greated Power beyond the comprehension of human mind to guide us along the way. Being single is not to be called boring nor depressing, it is a blessing to be treasured and enjoyed while it last. Speaking of profundity eh? Anyway, nasa lahi natin ang hard to tamed especially sa mga babae. I am not sure if the commitment issue runs in our blood hehehe j/k."

DREAMS… when to give it up and when not to…

There is only one reason that I think is adequate to give up a dream: that dream is no longer your dream. Maybe you realized that it is no longer what you wanted in life, you want to take different path, after all dreams are not engraved in stones. Any other reasons would just cause a great distress later on in life and regret is one unhealthy element that no one should ever have to live with.

Achieving a dream is quenching someone’s thirst of self-satisfaction. And there is not a better reason than fulfilling someone’s deepest desire and breathing the thought that you are fulfilling the very reason of your existence in this universe.

Wika: Tradisyon-Modernisasyon

Sa Aking Mga Kabata

Jose Rizal, 1869

Ang hindi magmahal sa kanyang salita

Mahigit sa hayop at malansang isda,

Kaya ang marapat pagyamaning kusa

Na tulad sa inang tunay na nagpala.

Ang wikang Tagalog tulad din sa Latin

Sa Ingles, Kastila at salitang anghel,

Sapagka't ang Poong maalam tumingin

Ang siyang naggawad, nagbigay sa atin.

Hindi ko maiwasang punahin ang komento ng isang ali sa tindahan kahapon na hindi na daw dapat ipamulat sa mga kabataan ngayon ang paggamit ng salitang banyaga at huwag ng turuan ng Filipino/Tagalog sapagkat wala raw mabuting maidudulot ito sa pag-unlad ng kanilang buhay dito sa ibayong dagat. ‘Pinagbabawal ko mga sa asawa kong kausapin ang mga anak ko sa tagalog, walang magandang maidudulot ito sa kanila dito sa Canada.” Naisip ko tuloy, gaano mga ba kahalaga ang pambansang wika sa modernong mundo? Ang pagtira ba sa ibayong dagat ay nangangahulugang paglimot sa wikang kinagisnan?

May punto naman ang ali sa kanyang tinuran, kung hindi nga naman maiintindihan ng mga batang Pilipino na naninirahan sa ibang bansa ang ating wika ay hindi sila maapektuhan sa mga mapanuring salita o di kaya’y maling kuro-kuro ng ating mga kababayan. At hindi naman talaga nila kailangan ito para sa araw-araw na pakikipag-ugnayan sa lipunang kanilang ginagalawan.

Ngunit sa isang banda, hindi ako sang-ayon sa tinuran ng ali dahil maniniwala pa rin ako na ang mga Pilipino, katutubo man o pinanganak sa banyagang bansa ay dapat matoto ng wikang Filipino/Tagalog. Ito ay isang pagkilala sa ating pinagmulan at isang paraan para patuloy na mabuhay and maging bahari ng pag-unlad ang ating wika sa paglipas ng panahon.

Hindi naman kinakailangan ng malalim na pang-unawa at perpekto pananalita ng Filipino/Tagalog. Ang mababaw na pang-unawa at kakayahang maipahayag ang mga simpleng bagay sa sapat ng pamana natin sa mga bata, nasa sa kanila na ang kung mamarapatin nilang pagyamanin ang kaalamang ito.

Mas mainam sigurong hubugin natin ang kakayahan ng mga kabataan na makaunawa ang wikang tagalog dahil ito ay bahagi ng kanilang pinagmulang kultura. Ituring na lang nating itong bahagi ng paglinang sa kaisipan ng mga bata ng magkaroon sila ng malawak na pang-unawa sa buhay.

Ang mundo ay patuloy na iinog tunggo sa modernisasyon at ang wika at patuloy na magiging bahagi ng pag-inog na ito kaya nasa sa atin na kung papaano natin bibigyang buhay ang sariling wika para maging bahagi ito ng modernong mundo.

Note: Huwag po ninyong dibdibing masyado ang panulat na ito, gusto ko lang pong isulat pero hindi nangangahulugang ako’y isang nasyonalista… oo nasa akin pa rin siguro ang pagiging makabayan ngunit hindi nangangahulugang lahat ng aking ginagawa ay sang-ayon sa kahulugan ng salitang makabayan sa mata ng masa. Alam ko at alam nating lahat na tayong mga Filipino/Pilipino ay marunong makidaloy sa agos ng buhay saan man tayo mapadpad at iyan ay isang kahanga-hangang bahagi ng ating lahi na dapat nating ipagmalaki.

Tree of Embryomic Development..simplicity of science... i found it very fascinating i dunno why

Interesting Things - Today's Events

• Building a Good Rapport
  In order to build a good rapport with someone, you must use an open-ended question. So instead of saying, “How’s your weekend?” say “So ____(person’s name), tell me about your weekend?” According to our speaker, open ended questions shows people you care about them. Other people might tell you that it is none of your business but at lest you tried.

• You Have Two Ears & One Mouth – Use them in that Proportion
  
  We listen at 700 to 800 words per minute.
  We speak at 140 to 175 words per minute.
  We think at 2000 words per minute.

This explains why a lot of misunderstanding happens in all kind of relationships… hmmm yes we have Two EARS & One Mouth!

• And most important of all – how to intimidate a man just by looking at him hehehe… heard of the “Grey/White Hair Act” & “Look in the Eye and up to the Hairline Act?” apparently men are pushing these Acts to be part of the universal legislation. If you ladies would like to know more about these powerful tools feel free to contact me hehehe.

New Venture's Dilemma

Have you even tried something new and really scared that you might lose something you don’t have much of? Did you get that tingling feeling and the voice in your head saying “oh oh maybe you shouldn’t do that… oh wait if you don’t try then how would you know it works?”… Well I’ve been hearing that voice since yesterday and felt the tingling feeling today. Here is the thing; I want to try a new venture and the one I have in mind sounds too-good-to-be-true and in my book anything that sounds too-good-to-be-true is not true. I am not being pessimistic here, that’s just the fact of life that we all have to live with. The information I got from a dear friend of mine who have tried this venture is not enough and yet his sister got a good result out of it so this racket might work pretty good. See if I try it, what is it is really too-good-to-be-true (in other words it is not true! What if it is a scam!) then I would lose something I don’t have much of ($ which you can guess $)? And if I don’t try – what if it does really work? And if I am always scared of trying to take some risk then I will never prosper into pretty much anything. Okay then maybe I should try with precaution, maybe not give it all that I have and yet put in something that will not cost me everything. I’ve done some research about this new venture and all information I got is good so far but they all have something in common “we are not liable for anything” duh! What extra precaution I was talking about, that alone is enough to tell somebody “okay, take a risk we warm you about the consequences so don’t blame us later if you lose something.” Okay so what do I do now? Should I go for it or not? Maybe I should at least I have something to rant about later. Or should I stop thinking about it?

Tale of 2006...

Memories of the year 2006 will be told in this page just in case my own memory fails to remember the details from the simplest to the intricate moments of this year.