Not another drama

I am hurt at this moment because of the same old story – loving someone more than I should. I am really want to be with him, I will drive across town just to see him but he doesn’t really care about me, I waited all day for him to call or show up in my house(in my dream) but he called me late saying he was asleep. I told him I will call him back and just like the same old story, I called him back zillion times but he didn’t answer, and the worst part is I know he is online, maybe chatting with someone. I am tired and I don’t want to dwell in this issue anymore, I am getting sick of myself getting hurt and crying over the same damn thing yet I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. I don’t know am I really that stupid to let thing carry on for years; what on earth am doing with my life. I keep thinking I am fighting for true love, is it true love or pure stupidity. My goodness Glenda, wake up! I pray to God to guide me, please help me what to do. Please no more “dramatic-hurtful-scenarios”. Lord, if his heart won’t change then why you allowed me to be in this situation? I have been good, as in really good especially being there for him when he needs someone no matter how hard it was in my part and yet Lord he keeps hurting me. Please tell me where is this whole thing leading to because I am lost and scared that I am doing it all wrong. Please help me not to get hurt anymore, let my heart get some rest.

Maybe a grown up thoughts

I heart was always pure but from time to time mind fonder about evil thoughts especially. I used to sometimes think of retaliation when I get hurt by him but now I don’t think of such anymore. Maybe I have grown up now compare to who I was few years ago, I now think that him losing me is the biggest retaliation on itself, unintentional revenge if there is such hehehe.
I look at like much brighter now, seems like my heart is more open and my mind keeps in sane. I learn to integrate myself to the world and enjoy being part of it.

At last...

At last I found the link to my old blog.
I just laugh looking back at what I wrote years ago.... hmmm memories...